Doubts, doubts and more doubts


With the frequency of my posts my blog might just die soon so I am always happy when I log-in and see I still have some hits. I keep promising to post more frequently but I have never done so and therefore I will not promise to anymore. I will post when I can and stop crucifying myself when I don’t. Today this is a personal post, nothing about code at all so if you are looking for some code snippets then this is not the correct post.

When I was in school I always thought I was busy little did I know that I just had the busy syndrome; google it if you haven’t heard about that. Now that I am working I feel like the days are only 12 hours instead of 24. I am always rushing from one thing to the next and never finding the time to enjoy something.

A friend mentioned something to me recently, the future was very bright when we were in school. I am starting to believe this is actually true. It is not like the future isn’t bright, I would say it is a shade dimmer than I had envisioned. I had a plan but I am nowhere near what I had in mind. I had a dream of making a difference in the society but the way it is now I am just working on client stuff. I have always wanted to do a lot of volunteer work and mentor people but with my schedule it is now just a dream. I frequently get emails requesting for some technical help and it always hurts me to email back with an apology. I had a dream of launching this amazing product Click-A-House which was going to change the way guys pay rent but one year later it is still under development. When did the rain start beating me? Is everything lost or can I get back on track? When did I lose that spring in my step?

I have been asking myself a lot of questions recently and the most prominent has been, am I on the right track? Is this what I want to do with my life or I am living up to society’s expectations. Have I succumbed to people’s expectations of how I should be. I have always had that entrepreneurial spirit but I feel it is slowly sipping away. My ideas are now just ideas as opposed to when I used to actually work on them. Have I lost the spark?

I don’t think all is lost though. I recently watched Steve Job’s Stanford commencement speech (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc) and I came out with one very important lesson; all the things you do play a role in shaping your future. I am a better developer than I was 8 months ago. I now how to deal with clients better than I did 8 months ago. Working has helped me built both my technical and soft skills.

So what now? Something has to change. I am giving myself until the end of the year and then I will take the leap of faith and venture out all by myself. I am reminded of the saying it is better to have tried and failed than not to do anything at all. However, this doesn’t go all by itself. You don’t go to war without adequate preparation, I am still preparing but I will be ready soon.

*This post was inspired by a beautiful lady by the name Joy, a great friend and an amazing blogger( http://joykendi.com/)

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